last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As shirtless as possible
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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