So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
