Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
