I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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