went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
