So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
