im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
