i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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