We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
