just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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