Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
