honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
