Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
