he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
