yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i think i just lost a toe
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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