and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
