dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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