his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize