I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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