I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize