By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
