do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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