I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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