In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
