I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Text me some of your sweat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
