two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
