brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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