how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
