No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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