Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
