Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
