I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
