Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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