You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
