fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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