it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
