i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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