i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
