i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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