we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
