is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
