new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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