Jerry, you need to find god
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What drink are we having for lunch?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
