I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
