If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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