Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
