Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
