is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
