can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
3pm strippers are depressing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
