Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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