You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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