Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
