she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
