Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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