his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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