Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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