I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
