He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
