Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
