Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
